My little sister sent me her short list of "you know you’re in Hong Kong when…" summarizing some of her cross-cultural observations as a tourist in Hong Kong. Have a look (with some minor adjustments) :
When you have nightmares of wet floors.
When long sexy feet are smiling at you from every corner.
When the public elevator is more sterilized than an operation room.
When someone is always showing you where you should go.
When you don’t want to put your filthy hands on the over-clean handrail (even though voices will always instruct you to do so).
When the small old green bus is colder than the North Pole.
When you will find the most exotic sea creatures on your plate.
When there is no "N" when pronouncing "one hundred $".
When the free massage chair at the mall gives you a better massage than the "happy feet" massage place you’ve paid to before.
When all food will come in some form of a soup.
When your feet are smoother than ever.
When at the market every price is "just especially for you" "just today".
When escalators will take you all the way to wherever you need to go.
When you can take a nap anywhere, as long it is air-conditioned.
When museums are trying to help you find your inner self. (Fili – ?)
When only on Sundays do you finally realize the real population structure of Hong Kong (Fili – immigrants overtake HK)
When every visit to the public bathroom is an overwhelming experience of sanitary magnificence.
When every time you see your reflection in the street you feel like "The Hulk". (Fili – ROTFL)
When every time your brother sees a local baby he melts with joy.
When you come back home and understand that nothing is as it should be.
That’s how you know you are in Hong Kong….
This actually reminded me of a couple of lists that I’ve seen elsewhere. Like, the "You know you’re from Hong Kong when…" Facebook group :
You know you’re from Hong Kong when…
You pretend (and tell people) that you know Mandarin because you can speak Cantonese.
You started singing karaoke when you were five.
You are an expert in mahjong.
You tip only 10%.
You prefer Sony.
You have more than 30 cousins.
You confuse Welcome with Wellcome.
You have many credit cards.
You have more than two DVD players at home.
You wear famous brand clothes: DKNY, Versace, Chanel, Polo, etc. even though all your Polo shirts are from ladies’ market.
You always have the latest mobile phone.
You play badminton.
You drink vita soy.
You love to go yum cha.
Your friends ask you if Hong Kong is a country.
You call a lot of your friends Fei Jai.
You’ve lost a lot of money on the Mark Six.
You know what it means when you call someone inch.
You eat instant noodles too often.
You’ve dyed your hair before.
You are studying engineering, business management or law.
You try to avoid pork chops. And i’m not talking about the food.
When you go back to Hong Kong, the last thing your smoking friend asks you is to buy them a carton of Reds.
You read "tsing tao" instead of "world journal" or "china press."
You party at Club 7-11.
You ALWAYS buy real software and DVDs. ALWAYS.
You never order appetizers at a restaurant.
Your Chinese handwriting really sucks.
You build a mountain of salad when you eat in Pizza Hut.
Your stationery has pictures of your favourite cartoon character.
People accuse you of having (and starting) SARS.
Your foreign friends don’t mess with you because they think you know kung fu.
You have a collection of model robots, built or yet to be built.
If someone buys something, you brag about how its cheaper in Hong Kong.
When you leave HK, you always stock up on duty free at the airport.
When having dim sum, you rinse your dishes in hot water before you eat.
You have two middle initials instead of the usual one.
You spit bones and food scraps on the table.
You have heaps of shoes and slippers blocking the entrance to your home.
Your kitchen is coated in a film of sticky grease.
Your cook top is covered with tin foil.
You buy $10 VCDs.
You hate nerds, even though you are one.
You ask, "when are you going back to Hong Kong?" instead of "when are you going to Hong Kong?".
You miss the drinks and snacks that you can only get in Hong Kong.
You have a Walkman, Discman and Minidisk player that you don’t use anymore because you use an MP3 player.
You use tick tick pencils instead of regular pencils.
You’ve played all the computer games that have ever come out.
You play … err … you ARE the Street Fighter Champion.
You show off your mobile phone that you got in Hong Kong "for cheap."
Your luggage is near empty when you arrive in HK, and it’s full when you leave.
You expect to pay for transport in other countries with your Octopus card, only to be disappointed.
If your are a guy you are really interested in military stuff (guns, aircraft, tanks), but you’re too pussy to be a soldier.
You inherit your elder brother’s clothes and your younger brother inherits your clothes.
You once had loads of 4wd model cars.
You’ve had a Tamagotchi.
You have a PlayStation, Gamecube, Xbox and you will get the Xbox 360 soon.
You use Bak Fa Yao.
You have at least one shirt that says "Hong Kong" on the front.
When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
You use Park ‘N Shop bags as binliners.
You always leave your shoes at the door.
You have a piano in your living room.
You can twirl your pen around your fingers.
You eat red bean popsicles.
When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
People ask you if there are trees in Hong Kong, and they don’t believe you when you tell them that 76% of HK is green.
You wish you were Son Goku.
Or that you had Ding Dong’s pouch.
Owning a Mercedes Benz means you are well off, but it’s nothing compared to owning a lawn mower – the ultimate status symbol.
You feel like you’ve gotten a good deal if you didn’t pay tax.
If you’re a guy, you wear basketball shorts as pajamas.
Your mother used to hit you with a chicken-feather duster and shout "da sei lei!"
You beat eggs with chopsticks instead of a fork.
You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions.
You’re in another country and everything moves so slowly.
You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
You’re in love with David Beckham. More for the ladies, but some of you guys do too 😉
You use a face cloth.
You use a clothes line.
You starve yourself before going to all you can eat sushi.
You miss the MTR, and Red Taxis.
You know someone who can get you a good deal on electronics.
Chinese food in other countries doesn’t taste right.
You never discuss your love life with your parents.
Your parents are never happy with your grades.
You keep most of your money in a savings account.
You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
Shaolin and Wu Tang actually mean something to you.
You shat your pants before the 1997 handover.
You own a Snoopy toy from Mcdonalds.
You never order sweet-n-sour pork, egg foo young, or chop suey at a Chinese restaurant.
You tell your friends that people don’t actually eat prawn crackers in HK, and they don’t believe you.
You turn bright red after drinking alcohol.
You look like you are sixteen.
You have more than five remotes in your house.
You wear (or need) glasses.
Your parents (or some other close relative) own a grocery store or restaurant.
Your grandmother lives with you and your family.
You always have water when dining out.
You say aiya! and wah!.
You’re mum talks to you in Chinese and you reply in English.
It annoys you how shops close at 5pm in other countries and you expect them to be open.
You love little red envelopes.
You cut your own hair, or get friends to cut your hair.
You know at least three people named Alan Wong.
People don’t believe that you live on the 28th floor.
Your dad is some sort of engineer.
Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they’re still lecturing.
You’re in another country and you try to make a local call, but wtf? you have to pay for it!
You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your kitchen.
You’ve had a bowl haircut at one time in your life.
Your parents compare you with their colleagues’ nerdy kids.
You’ve mastered the art of bargaining.
You eat bak choy.
You wish you could go back to Hong Kong for just 1 day, which you would spend shopping and eating.
Your favourite movie is Shaolin Soccer.
And you play football in baak faan yu.
You make a list of things to do and buy when you get back.
You have no eyelashes.
Your parents expect you to be best friends with nerds.
And always tell you your cool friends are bad.
Your relatives’ houses smell like incense.
Everyone thinks you’re good at math.
You say, "University level maths? I took University level maths in year 8!"
You are the god of gamblers. (doe sun)
You think Sailor Moon is hot.
You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
You have way more technology than your foreign friends.
All of your friends ask you to translate whenever they see Chinese characters.
The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses/contacts.
Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin, or both.
You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don’t.
You think Mcdonalds in other countries is expensive.
You get homesick when you watch Rush Hour 2.
Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees.
Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV.
The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture.
You hit aeroplanes.
You own a rice cooker.
You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
People think that PK stands for Penalty Kick, but you know what it really means
Your friends ask you if Hong Kong is in Japan.
You tell all of your foreign friends that you are related to Jackie Chan and they believe you.
You know you’re from Hong Kong when you’ve seen all of edison chen’s naked pictures!
Other lists :