Sh*t People Say to Expats Visiting Back

In the spirit of the lovely trend of “Shit girls say…” or “Shit people say…” and seeing that my “Sh*t Hong Kong People Say to White Guys” “Sh*t People Say to Bloggers” and “Sh*t People Say to PhD Students” were able to get a few positive responses, I sat down to quickly write down some of the sh*t people usually say to me – an expat in Hong Kong – when I go back to my country of origin for the yearly visit.

 

It’s a very long list, but I guess these are some of the reoccurring highlights. It’s all true, and it’s all been said more than once by more than one person. Got more? Add a comment below!

 

  1. You’re finally HOME!
  2. Isn’t it great being HOME?
  3. How does it feel to be HOME?
  4. So how long has it been since last time? really … ?
    1. that long?
    2. that’s odd, seemed like much longer.
  5. Do you still remember [insert one of the following below] (followed by “hahahaha”)
    1. your mom and dad?
    2. how to speak [insert native language here]?
    3. where you used to live?
    4. your room?
    5. who I am?
  6. So… How is it over there?
  7. Common, what are you waiting for, tell me EVERYTHING!
  8. No, no, no… our lives here are very boring, you’re the one with the exciting stories!
  9. It must be so different living over there. Every day must be an adventure.
  10. What did you miss the most from here? let’s go do that!
  11. Do you ever think about us?
  12. Who did you miss the most?
  13. We always think about you.
  14. We talk about you all the time.
  15. We just talked about you last week.
  16. Honestly, do you really like it over there? (… you sure? there’s no need to be polite, they can’t hear you)
  17. I can’t imagine what your life must be like.
  18. You probably can’t imagine what our lives are like.
  19. You look so thin…
    1. I’ll make you something to eat.
    2. Don’t they feed you over there?
  20. I don’t even know who you are anymore!
  21. You really changed, you know?
  22. We haven’t really changed much since you were last here, you probably noticed.
  23. You haven’t changed even one bit.
  24. We’ve been through some major changes since you you were last here, you probably noticed.
  25. Now that I take a closer look at you, you look a bit more like people over there now.
  26. So when are you coming back?
  27. So you’re never coming back, are you?
  28. Make sure you prepare a room for me, this year I’m coming for sure!
  29. I was going to come visit you last year but then…
    1. Money’s a bit tight right now
    2. It’s not the best time
    3. Work’s insane recently
    4. My wife’s…
    5. My kids…
    6. My boss…
    7. I just figured you’re coming back here soon anyways
    8. I just thought you’re going to be there for much longer anyways so why not next year?
  30. I wish I spent my life traveling all the time like you probably do.
  31. Did you bring me anything?
  32. Why didn’t you bring me anything?
  33. Did you find yourself a nice girl over there? (no? oh, good -relief-)
  34. Just between us, OUR girls are the best , right?
  35. No pressure, ofcourse, but here’s a phone number for this really nice girl I know, she’s waiting for you to call. Yes, she knows you’re only here for two weeks, but we figured there’s no harm and you can never know.
  36. So when are coming over to have dinner with us?
  37. We’d really like to come over and see you when you’re visiting here, but…
    1. Your city is over 30 minutes away.
    2. You’re the one on vacation, you should be the one coming to see us!
  38. They called to say they won’t forgive you if you don’t find time to go see them.
  39. So to continue our conversation from last year …
  40. Sorry, but…
    1. I can’t remember where it is you live now…
    2. and what it is you do over there…
    3. and why it is that you decided to go there to begin with… ?
  41. Oh, you live abroad? that explains why I didn’t see you the last 6 years.
  42. You are going to come back next year, right?
  43. Always remember where your REAL HOME is!
  44. We know it’s no paradise like what you have over there, but it’s HOME, and it’s YOUR HOME.
  45. Seriously, now. Don’t you think it’s time to cut the crap and come back HOME?

 

Got more? I’m interested! Feedback and comment most welcome.



Tags: adjustment; expats; home; home country; reverse culture shock;


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43, 44, 45… for me, usually follow by a quite lecture about what HOME means, with such a delightful implication that I’m bound to come back cause it’s my “destiny/fate.” Everyone knows what my HOME means except me (well, even my “destiny” apparently).. How caring, loving and above all, non-repellent.. “You see, my second cousin’s nephew (a minor) will go to Canada to study English. Can you be his legal guardian?” (?!?) “Do you know this friend of mine who… in Vancouver?” (out of assumption that Toronto-Vancouver distance is like Seoul-Incheon..) And this is usually from guy friends (why?): “Have… Read more »

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